What do the Spice Girls, Shakespeare and Mr Bean all have in common? They are all my student's answers to the question "What do you know about the United Kingdom?"

Now I have never been known for my nationalism, but I can't help but despair at this bizarre picture of my country. And my city, London, which I feel much more strongly about, has been reduced to a glorified roundabout - Piccadilly Circus.

I have tried to think up positive things to tell all the expectant faces staring up at me, but all I can come up with is the traffic management system, which is hardly inspirational. I now cycle to Hanoi University of Technology, where I am teaching, and I arrive having scarcely escaped the grim reaper every day.

Everything else about Vietnam I love - the noodle soup which is eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner; the whole streets dedicated to selling photocopied money to "sacrifice" at the pagoda, and the people who meet you on a plane and then insist on showing you round their city.

That was Phuong Anh, who was my tour guide today - we prayed at the pagoda together (the first time I have even pretended to pray since Primary school), went cosmetic shopping through aisles and aisles filled with whitening moisturiser, sure to make me look like death, and ended up having hot chocolate on a boat in the lake.

I did not ask her which British artists she knows, for fear of running into Mr Bean again, but she did tell me about some famous Vietnamese - Uncle Ho was obviously number one, and "his teacher" Lenin.

If only the Spice Girls and Mr Bean had such great beards.